Plastic is one of those words I bandy around from time to describe people who have no idea about a tradition, culture or people but latch onto a group in the quest for identity, belonging or in some cases to simply win. I used it to describe many of the Manchester United fans at the game the other weekend, and no doubt I will froth at the mouth when St Patrick’s day rolls around and millions of buffoons decide that drinking green beer, hopping around in the street dressed as a fucking leprechauns, and shouting Lucky Charms TV slogans is a celebration of being Irish. The reality is that most genuine Irishman I know would be amused, if not aghast to see their portrayal by those claiming to be Irish themselves.
Roll back to the 1990s and everybody who had a thrice removed grand father from Scotland all of a sudden wanted to visit “the homeland” and twenty-something and younger men started buying kilts and learning what Tartan was “theirs” while fully unaware that the romantic land of Mel Gibson’s Braveheart was on the whole about as exciting as Michigan.
One side of my family comes from Scotland via Ireland. We have a home on Royal Deeside. I myself was raised and born in London but two of my sisters and a brother grew up in the North East and it is a place of my childhood. I do know what “my” tartan is because I am, by name, Campbell. I lay no claims to Ireland, I have been there many a time and it is a pleasant place with good people but it is not my own.
Countless generations of my family also came from India, but then some time ago when being an indentured servant was the in thing, they shifted from India to South America and wound up in what is now known as Guyana where three generations passed before my mother moved back to the United Kingdom to become a Nurse and was fairly quickly inseminated by my old man. 10 months later I had a sweaty vagina wrapped around my head and a few minutes later James was born to be the worlds curmudgeon.
Here I am.
I could count myself as Danish, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, English, Guyanese, Indian, and Pakistani but I was born and raised an Englishman, and while Scotland courses through my veins I am no Scot. Not a real one. I wasn’t born there, I know the country like the back of my hand and I miss it sometimes deeply. Thoughts of purple hills and clean air and quiet solitude beckon me and it is a home, but not my home.
The USA on the other hand, is a place I have lived for twelve years now. I still can’t say I have ever tossed a baseball, but after living almost all my adult life here (I moved when I was just turned 22) I find that America is home. When I arrive back at the airport, get my passport stamped and am greeted with “Welcome home” it makes me grin. Seeing Old Glory outside the airport makes me feel good, as do the familiar accents and sounds of Taxi’s. I love the USA, and my daughter will be raised as an American, not a second generations English export, who is raised to believe that somehow England is better than the USA. As the years roll by I find that I am ever more defensive of my new home, especially in the UK where “you” is often thrown my way in sentences:
“You elected George Bush”
“You invaded Iraq when you knew their where no WMDs”
“Why do you feel like you need to police the world.”
The latter from my mother last time I was home was retorted to with some anger:
“Maybe next time England and Europe are in trouble America won’t help and this whole fucking continent will slide back into the Dark Ages or into Fascism. Where would you be then? Not in England that is for sure.”
The truth of the matter is that most Europeans are rather anti-American. Not because they hate Americans necessarily, it is the same hate you see inspired by success. People hate the Yankees, people hate Manchester United, people hate the Chelsea, people hate Jose Mourinho, people hate dominant winners. “We” are blamed for so much ill in the world, and then blamed for helping, or blamed for not helping and with all the time I have spent back in the UK over the last decade I can’t help but get a little siege mentality going.
One day I will get my citizenship sorted (I am finally eligible) and I will be proud to be an American. I won’t ever stop being English, and I’ll “go home” from time to time but more often than not I feel like a stranger in my own land. There is nothing plastic or false about me becoming American, nothing fake or contrived, it just is the way it is.
I have an Anglo-American soul, with a British outlook on one hand, and an American one on the other. Sometimes the two things gel nicely. The World Cup for example was a time where as a Brit in America I was nicely at home no matter what side of the fence I was on. I rooted for England over the USA for sure, but then I about lost my shit when Landon Donovan scored his last gasp goal against Algeria. Other times things seem more contrived than real – like the naming of American soccer teams to follow European standards.
When I hear the name ‘Real Salt Lake’ it makes me cringe precisely because it is contrived. ‘DC United’ makes me cringe. ‘FC Dallas’ makes me cringe. The thought that the Wizards might becoming ‘Sporting’ makes me cringe. None of these clubs or cities have any tangible link to Spain, or England, or whatever country in Europe inspired Dallas. Not one. Real Salt Lake is simply ridiculous, up there in Mormon Utah – in possibly the whitest place in America they picked ‘Real’? And what exactly was United in DC?
I am not anti-European, I am not going to yell childishly about “Europosers” or “Eurosnobs”. It just bothers me that in this vast land, scattered with so much that is good, and right, and proud that so many MLS teams have opted to take the path of assuming false identity. It bothers me because nothing of these teams in anyway is linked to the originals in terms of culture or knowledge or heritage. It bothers me because they chosen those names intentionally to appeal to “Football fans” from other nations or because those are “what football names sound like”. This is America, and if MLS is ever going to catch on, it needs to get with the program and stopped kowtowing to the tiny majority of us that are foreign imports and start catering to Americans using the things we have that make us who we are.
So while I think the Wizards name is poor, it doesn’t piss me off nearly as much as calling us Inter KC, Sporting KC or KC United would. Those names don’t fit into our national landscape. They say nothing about Kansas City, Kansas or Missouri. They would be false names generated by a false idea – that a name needs to sound European to be respected or marketable. It is plastic paddyism at its worst, it offends the part of me that has a past and a history overseas and sees nothing of that here, and it offends the American side of my soul that is crying out for MLS teams to show some pride in the area and culture of their team’s cities and states.
By choosing a Euro-centric name for an American team, you wind up with a name that neither appeals to Americans, nor satisfies the European. So why pander? If the name has to change, make it something real, make it something about Kansas City, or leave it the hell alone.
You really should be doing guest columns for the Star.
I know I’m in the minority of your blog readers, but the thing as a Kansas Citian that bothers me most about Wizards is that it’s kind of plastic in itself. – latching on to the name of a famous movie that has no real connection to the city – or really central Kansas. The whole idea around the name is contrived in my opinion. And while yes we do have 15 years under that name, it’s hard for me to shed a tear when it’s never felt like a natural fit to me.
Kansas City Soccer Club while yes, maybe a nod to the European conventions of naming a team, feels more real to me than Dorothy. Sporting I’m not so sure about yet,, but if it happens, I’ll take a look at the logo and judge it with an open mind.
Thanks as always for the read.
Comment by szazzy — August 5, 2010 @ 4:06 pm
Another wonderful read, thank you sir. I agree with szazzy regarding the connection to Dorthy; it has always bothered me but I have just accepted it. I think my favorite alternative name at this point is the Burnt Ends.
Comment by Sean — August 5, 2010 @ 6:22 pm
I’m totally in agreement with the szazzy and Sean – another well-thought commentary. I also don’t really care for the Dorothy connection either, but as much as I like European football, I would rather stick with Wizards than a “plastic” name.
I’ve never really understood people who come to America and seem to fight so hard to retain their identity of where they came from. Though I live in Kansas, I’m not originally from here. I’m from Iowa. However, ask me what I am, and I’ll say a Kansan – for better of for worse.
Again, a very interesting read. Keep up the good work.
Comment by Moop — August 5, 2010 @ 7:50 pm
Well said. It’s really up to KC supporters. If they want to keep the current name then great. We have a basketball team called the Wizards and I don’t hear people in DC clamoring to change it.
Not being from KC I have no idea what other options might be. Heartland FC? FC BBQ?
Comment by Matt Conroy — August 5, 2010 @ 9:12 pm
Plastic, or cliche? Wizards couldn’t be more cliche, sounds entirely bush league and only having been around so long (which is not reason in itself to keep it) is its only redeeming feature.
Comment by Aljarov — August 5, 2010 @ 9:34 pm
@Alijarov – You won’t find many people here that love the Wizards as a name, in fact if you read the first three comments from Wizards fans you will see that Wizards is far from loved.
Comment by James Starritt — August 5, 2010 @ 9:43 pm
Good stuff as always, James. I enjoy your unique insight.
Myself, I don’t want our team to adopt a european type name. It, you said, just doesn’t fit. It’s not part of the fabric of this country. Wizards is not that great of a team nickname, but until something better is proposed I’m fine with keeping it around a bit longer.
Comment by KCFutbol — August 6, 2010 @ 8:34 am
hey you are just a poor man’s Bill Bryson!
Comment by Morry — August 6, 2010 @ 10:48 am
I don’t like the name that much either but I do agree that we should keep it. After beating Man U I don’t know why we would ever change it. I feel like we finally have some recognition. People may not like it but atleast they’ve heard of us now.
I don’t agree with Aljarov at all. What makes the wizards bush league compared to many other terrible mascots and names in American Sports?
Comment by Wil — August 6, 2010 @ 2:20 pm
A good and decent moniker would tie into the historical fabric of the region. More than anything, the river would be a distinguishing element of being part of the Kansas City area. Known as a transportation hub and a starting point for several trails West: trade routes and the diversity that comes from such business may define this no-nonsense midwestern region. Scouts has been used in the past but has developed an unsavory image recently. With respect to a working-class motif, while still appealing to a ‘strong’ name that lends itself to branding, is a tough thing to find. Especially one that is available. Storm, Tornado, Thunder, Lightning, sound like two old guys on a bench trying to pass the time. I like the clever way of using ‘City’ to label a supporter as a ‘Citizen’ such like Man City does. Maybe time will tell and a name as homely as Wizards may just stick for better and worse.
Comment by keg1223 — August 6, 2010 @ 3:15 pm
Good stuff, did not know of the Georgetown connection.
Comment by OAB — August 6, 2010 @ 11:52 pm
Washington Bullets is better than Washington Wizards too – and I do know people that want to change it back. Most of them are real NBA fans though, not casuals.
Comment by szazzy — August 8, 2010 @ 2:15 am
The name of the sport is FOOTBALL We all know this. The other label needs to be phased out.
That being said, the Wizards should NOT rebrand. Leave everything as is.
Comment by Football Analyst — August 16, 2010 @ 8:30 pm
It was called soccer in England for a long time to help distinguish the the separate codes of Rugby and Association Football. Just saying … The whole football vs soccer debate is inane.
Comment by James Starritt — August 16, 2010 @ 8:37 pm
Could it be that the S.C. would be Soccer Club rather than sporting club? Typically Sporting Clubs have multiple teams in multiple sports. While I hate RSL’s name, Kansas City Soccer Club has a much better ring to it than Kansas City Wizards or Wiz.
Comment by jb — August 18, 2010 @ 9:09 am
Sporting Kansas City… in homage to the large Portuguese population in KC???… err wait a second.
Excellent article. I say if we’re going to go all Euro/South American.. name it River Kansas City… at least we have that, confluence of 2 big rivers which unite 2 states.
Comment by Brad — September 10, 2010 @ 10:21 pm
I just recently found your blog when I was searching for more info about the Wizards possible name change. While I understand many of your statements, I’m not a huge Wizards as our name fan. But the idea of a forced Europeanized name gives me jitters.
One thing I did want to point out though, is that you list DC United as a Euro name. And yes, it is. But no it isn’t. DC United has a very interesting dual meaning going on, one that I love. While the name United pulls from the likes of Newcastle and Manchester, it also harkens to the fact that the team plays in the Capital of the UNITED States of America. They play where the country comes together or UNITES as a nation in terms of politics, culture (check out the Smithsonians), international relations and more.
I feel like it’s a great name for this reason. Yes, United at first glance makes you think Europe, but the deeper meaning is what makes it work. They took a classic Euro name and gave it an American spin. It works. Honestly, if one team in the U.S. should have the name United, it’s DC.
Comment by Trevor — September 28, 2010 @ 10:11 pm
Trevor, I think you make a great point about DC United. It really is a great fit for the team. I think a name like Kansas City United or Union would have been great for KC because the metro is split between 2 states. Not only that but the it would have been a great name for the team if the owners were looking for a more regional appeal and were trying to attract more fans from the surrounding states.
I completely agree that giving the team a new name which copies from abroad really doesn’t make sense in the MLS but especially in Kansas City. I don’t think it will give us any more credibility nor contribute to the growth our fan base.
I hate the idea that we could potentially be called “Sporting.” Of all the foreign team names we could have imitated this is has to be one of the worst. I would even prefer being called Real Kansas City over Sporting. At least the Real would have something to do with Kansas City or at least Kansas City sports tradition ie Royals, Kings, and Monarchs.
If I could have it my way we could simply be Kansas City Soccer Club or SCKC and we would continue to keep our colors (preferably revert back to the old wizards blue, our 05 kits were the best) and everyone would continue to refer to the team as the wizards.
Comment by Wil — October 25, 2010 @ 1:07 am
Excellent article.
I’m a Toronto FC fan. Born and bred just outside of the city. When the names for the new MLS franchise in town were being kicked around back in 2006, Inter Toronto FC was one choice out of the four frontrunners that the owners were pushing for heavily.
The thing that they didn’t understand, however, is that fans want their own identity and a name that reflects them and the community the clubs represents. As a result, the few fans at the time created a very loud backlash against anything other than Toronto FC.
I believe that if Wizard fans are really passionate about keeping the name as-is (nothing wrong with Wizards in my opinion) you’ve got to kick up a fuss and let the FO know how you feel. It worked for us. It worked for Colorado. It could work for you.
Comment by Cashcleaner — November 16, 2010 @ 11:02 am
@Cashcleaner … it is really to late for that, the Front Office kept this fairly close to their chest (its not like a new franchise where you know a name has to be chosen) and those most passionate about the change really didn’t have the will to organize and do anything other than threatening to not renew season tickets. For many of us non-attendance was not an option. The reality of it is though that the name has divided this fan base for a long time. Many love it, many have simply learned to live with it, and a sizable minority just don’t like it at all. That may not change with “Sporting” – but to all intents and purposes, it is a done deal.
Comment by James Starritt — November 16, 2010 @ 11:31 am