It has been growing for weeks, this little knot of doubt that has blossomed from meagre beginnings to a bulbous throbbing tumor in my psyche.  It is the confidence cancer.  The Terror. And chances are you have a pretty good case right now.  The causes are well known and documented, it comes from being vested in something, pinning your hopes and dreams on 90 minutes of football, and the men that get to dual on our behalf.  These men, will enter the arena on our behalf, as our Champions and when it is done … when it is all done there will be tears of joy or sorrow.

At stake today is a spot in the MLS Cup Final, a spot in next seasons CONCACAF Champions League, after an entire season we find ourselves 180 minutes from the glory of ‘winning it all’.  This is the biggest game in our history.  Bigger than the finals of the past, because from once the eyes of Kansas City, Missouri and Kansas are squarely focuses on the upstart team with the new name, the shiny stadium and the media attention.  While the team has always represented the city, for once the city is truly watching.

Will we make it?  Will we let them down? Will we get to travel to LA? Should I really have bought that plane ticket?  Will we get the Galaxy in the final? Beat Donovan and Beckham in the final on their own turf?  I will we be forced to watch the Houston Dynamo take our place? Watch them pathetically collapse and lose OUR trophy?

Will we win today?

We should.  We are the Eastern Conference Champions.  Over the course of 34 league games we drew with Houston at their place and crushed them 3-0 at ours, and they only managed two regular season wins on the road.  They are coming to our place, to LIVESTRONG Sporting Park, to play in front of our fans, our oh so loud fans in a stadium then resonates victory as much as it does style.  We are the favorites, we should be the victors and yet …

The Terror … what if?  What if their wily old veterans and their terribly good coach, the guy with the MLS Cups and the ability to setup a game plan for a single game almost unparalled in MLS manages to do so today?  What if Teal Bunbury has his lead boots on? Espinoza comes unhinged and gets the red card there is always potential for him to get?  What if Jimmy Nielsen comes wildly off his line and fails to get the ball?  What if they camp and defend and catch us with a counter in the 90th minute? What if it goes to penalty kicks …

The Terror.

It is what this game is all about.  Without the dreams of being in LA and hoisting a trophy, and getting to see a defeated David Beckham trading shirts with Matt Besler, the game winning scorer and defensive talisman, the goosebumps and sheer delirium of the victorious waiting for us … there is no counter punch, no doubt, no fear that this glorious journey of ours might come to a late but ultimately premature end.  It can’t end, it is too soon, not before I find myself a tearful snotty mess in LA hugging some random Sporting KC fan while Davy Arnaud or Omar Bravo hoist the trophy over their heads and announce to the world that Sporting Kansas City have won it all.  I want that, you want that … we need it, and yet without the possibility of defeat and the long winter that will follow, there can be no victory.

The Terror

As soon as my eyes opened this morning, my mind was on the game.  I forced myself to eat a breakfast that was too large and that I really had no appetite for.  I managed to burn myself on the wrist and it is throbbing like only a burn can, irritating, not quite painful but consistent and unrelenting.  The burn is my friend .. it is taking my mind off the knot in my stomach that a dozen cigarettes have failed to remove.  A distraction, yet I go to the game in an hour.  I’ll drink with my friends at LIVESTRONG one last time, celebrate or commiserate, hand shake, hug, and for the vast majority I’ll not see them until the season returns to Kansas City in March.

What a year huh?  What a fantastic and glorious path our boys have taken from the pits of the table to the brink of the Championship?  You couldn’t write it better … now its all about the cherry on top.

No matter what I am proud.  But it isn’t over yet … right?  ……

Enjoy the game.